The ''benefits'' of friends with benefits.

Liam

"Wanna go back to my place?" The whole sentence threw me. We've been drinking, after a night out. It was late, I was tired, but part of me wanted to say yes. So I did. 40 minutes later we're laying on his bed, complete darkness surrounding us with just a glimmer of light from a nearby window, showcasing the stars. "Aren't we just friends?" I eventually look at him. His lips curve into one of those sly smiles that you don't know you're supposed to stay away from when you're 18 and classes have just started, and you feel confused. "Aren't we?"

The beginning was great. The rush, the thrill of it all. No commitment, no problems. I could still date anyone I'd like, although I didn't really go on dates that much. It felt comfortable, because I knew him. There wasn't any awkward tension, we both knew where we stood. So I ignored people's responses when they told me it was a bad idea, because why would a bad idea feel so good? After all, I didn't have any feelings toward him, right?

About two months later it all went to shit. Liam was becoming rude, obnoxious and overly pretentious. It's like the Liam I met at orientation died in those first two months. He was mean to my friends, suggesting that BA kids are all stupid, as if he felt he was better than anyone else. Maybe his degree did that to him. It's always engineering majors. The day I cut all contact with him was the day of my birthday, which he refused to attend. I was angry, and drunk, so I called him out on everything that's been going on.

I don't regret saying the things I did, but I do regret not saying them earlier. Back when Liam was starting to slip. He would start canceling plans and not answer his phone as much as he used to. I think the worst part is that I started to like that Liam. Not the one that was selfish and arrogant, but the guy that went shopping with me, and made me laugh while we were high, although given the circumstances it was probably quite easy. To this day I still don't speak to Liam, and I don't know if I ever will, but this is only half of the story, half of everything that happened at the beginning of the first semester, and all I'm willing to share at this point.

So take it from me, friends with benefits is a tried and tested theory, and no one who's ever tried it came out better than they were going in. There's a reason why a one night stand has better logic than a friend with benefits. It's because in one of these situations you lack a connection with the other person, and in the other one you don't. One you see for one night and never again, and the other one you do not. A good friendship only survives when you connect, and you know the other person on a deeper level than just the surface. Which is why getting into bed with them is not the greatest idea. Sure, it'll feel nice and exciting for a few weeks, until your mind starts processing it all, adding it all up. Our brains can't distinguish deep emotional connection from sexual desire when both are at play, for non aromantic and asexual people at least. Which is why in most cases you'll develop feelings for your friend, or if you don't, your brain will make you think you do, leaving you confused and baffled. It's a dopamine thing, your brain associates the person with making you feel good over and over until you associate feeling good with having feelings. There's a reason why friendship has limits, and stretching those boundaries can cause a lot of pain.

Do you guys have a Liam-like story? If you do, share it with me, so I know I'm not alone in this. And if you don't, keep it that way - It's all one huge mistake waiting to happen, but you live and you learn I guess?

Yours truly,

The relationship expert.