Lost and confused.

"I feel like I've lost myself in depression the past two months and am struggling to climb out of it. I have problems with my family being myself, like I can't even wear my pearl necklace without them calling me a cross-dressing son, weird, or a flaming queen. They laugh at my femininity I express like my hand movements, my gaze, lack of sports, or whatever they pick on me that day for. Also, I've lost my best friend in November. She disappeared off the face of the Earth, (moved away and never spoke to anyone from our town), and lost contact even with her mother and I've struggled to find myself without her in my life after more than 10 years of friendship. It bothers me non-stop and I ask them to stop and respect my choices but they don't; my best friend is gone; also I am just moody from little things that keep me down that are unusual to me; I have lowered drive and motivation to achieve what I want to in a day, I lost my creative spark for creative things, and I am only happy maybe one day per week. The only place I feel normal and collected to these days has been work, and as soon as I leave I ball my eyes out. Please let me know what you think. <3" - Anonymous

Dear anonymous,

First of all, I'm obviously no professional when it comes to mental health, as I speak majority of the time about dating and the impact it has, but reaching out to someone and asking for advice during a dark space is key to taking the first step in the right direction.

I think you should ask yourself why you're still carrying this hurt about your best friend moving away in November and going no contact. Even though you've been friends for 10 years, she clearly showed you that she wants to cut ties with everyone she knows. Obviously, there is NOTHING you can do about that, and while it affects you tremendously since she was clearly your support system, you cannot let her occupy your headspace like that. She left, and that's on her, but it happened. You will lose people in your life left, right and center and unfortunately you can't pause to mourn them, at least not forever.

That being said, your identity isn't defined by anyone but yourself. Not by your parents, or your friends, or anyone for that matter. While you were influenced by the people close to you, and you built your identity during the space of the ten years you were friends with that said person, you did that on your own. You are still you. I know it must feel like there's a gaping hole in your life at this moment and you're lost and unsure of who you are, but you are still you with or without that person, even if it doesn't feel that way. And if you want to reinvent yourself and start from scratch, you can. Just be sure you're doing it for the right reasons.

I also think that you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to get out of this rut. It's not a one step process, and obviously two months is not that long a time. In relation to your parents, I think they're the key factor bringing you down, and if you've already told them multiple times to respect you when they don't, only you can decide whether they are really meant to be in your life. And if you're not independent enough to make such a decision, then train yourself not to take what they say as an attack, since their opinion is unwanted and untrue anyway.

I know it's easier said than done, but I don't want to sugarcoat anything. If you're feeling unmotivated ask yourself what is causing you to feel this way. Try to redirect your frustration and anger into something physical. If the lack of drive is making you lazy, and the laziness is making you unmotivated, and that is making you depressed, then you are stuck in a vicious circle, and the only way out is to break it.

I hope this helps, and feel free to send me another message if you're still struggling, but also consider seeing someone if it gets worse, as I said I'm no professional.

All my love,

The relationship expert.