Pick your poison.

Ever since the beginning of rom coms and trashy tabloid magazines, I have been fooled into thinking that one day some perfect man will come and sweep me off my feet. And as much as I wanted all my life for that to be true, it isn't the case.

Love is messy, and unpredictable. It isn't carefully calculated like a book or a movie. It took me 19 years to realize that it's not the kind of guy I should be looking for that's the problem, it's how I handle everyone else who don't fit into that carefully curated and tight category instead.

Sometimes you're going to have to settle in some aspects. Every single guy you meet is going to have baggage, or emotional damage, or issues - in some way to say the least. What you can deal with is your decision, but it's always going to be something straying away from perfection. Maybe your boyfriend really likes his banana boxers, a little too much, but hey - at least he isn't an axe murderer.

Now I'm not saying you should settle for someone completely trashy that you don't even like for the sake of not holding yourself back. Don't go against your survival instinct, it's made to keep you safe from assholes. You've been building it up for half your life. There's no need to resort to thoughts like, "You know, maybe this biker gang member is actually a nice guy. Maybe I could be a decent step mom to his three kids. MAYBE, I've been too short sighted." (I quoted that from Good on paper.)

What I want you to understand is that life is too much of a disaster to ever give you any version of a prince charming. No one owes you that. The message I want to send is that no one is perfect, and neither are you. Or me. I talk way too much on the first date. And I sweat. A lot. And sometimes I laugh too loud at something that wasn't really funny and I'm weird, as in I-like-to-burst-out-in-song-weird, but that's okay, because one day some guy will find that cute instead of creepy.

And when you think you've found the perfect guy? Smart, attractive, rich, athletic, charming, considerate - and just perfect? Guess again, there's going to be something wrong with him. I once went out with a guy I thought was picture perfect, only to realize after the first date that he was still living with his ex boyfriend. And that's a red flag neither of us could get behind.

Take it easy, because your adorably messy love story is yet to unfold, and you're going to want to see it.

All my love,

The relationship expert.