Is Mr. Right around the corner?

It's always the same thing over and over. Jack meets Emma. Emma falls for Jack. Some event occurs causing Jack and Emma to not be together. Emma decides to move across country. Jack realizes what he's about to lose and chases after Emma at the airport, succeeding and winning her back, blah blah blah.

And they all lived happily ever after.

If life was as easy as some corny rom com bullshit then I wouldn't be sitting here, procrastinating on studying for finals and writing this post. Life is much more complicated than a 92 minute movie makes it out to be. And why is that? Because cis gender men are an obstacle to figure out. Some might say I'd already have a degree in psychology after everything I've uncovered about the ordinary man, through dating and dumping repeatedly.

Firstly, there are rules.

Like everything in life, dating has a set of rules.

Don't be too forward, don't be too shy. Try not to come off as too desperate, but don't ignore their texts for 5 days. Don't pick up the phone until the third ring. Never mention an ex on the first date and don't mention a second date while on the first date. Be yourself, but be anybody except yourself. Seem interesting, but don't give away too much information, remain mysterious.

Yet who made these rules? Who decided that four coffee dates equals one dinner date, if it even equals to a date at all? And how do you know if it's a date if no one called it a date? Sure, BuzzFeed quizzes and the occasional rant on your snapchat streaks can do wonders for debates about your love life, but I'm here to draw some definite lines, and say the torture ends today.

To all the girls, gays and they's - It's time we start gaining the power over dating we so wholeheartedly need, and gain an edge over the long list of ex-lovers that have done us wrong, because I know I'm ready to burn up every name on that list.

Sincerely,

The dating "expert."