Does he deserve another chance?

Guys make mistakes. Forgetting an anniversary, not answering his phone for hours on end, cheating on you and lying about it, etcetera etcetera. Some mistakes are worth forgiveness, and some are left unsaid.

And as much as we are taught to forgive and forget, some mistakes are worth not forgiving, because in the end letting a damaged man back into your life will cause more harm than good.

I recently got a text from a guy I was seeing back in 2019. (Nearly 3 years ago.) Let's call him Tyler. He asked if I wanted to go for coffee and talk, to which I responded immediately, "Talk about what?" I saw him once this year at a bar which was just a few short months ago, where we spoke awkwardly for about 10 minutes before I decided to leave. He was in a relationship, dating a decent guy, but yet I couldn't shake the feeling that he was flirting with me, to the extent where I simply felt uncomfortable. He offered to buy me drinks, told me he's never loved anyone the way he loved me and that he wanted to break up with his boyfriend.

Now that's what anyone wants to hear if they've loved a guy they lost, but fate brought him back to you. Although in this case, it's quite the opposite. I never loved Tyler, as I was the one who had the breaking up role in our unofficial relationship. We only saw each other for a few months, but I knew what I had to know. He was vindictive, narcissistic, a flirt with everyone surrounding him as a defense mechanism for his insecurities over his looks and desperate for the approval of not one person, but everyone he knew at the same time. Which meant that gaining five fake friends was more important to Tyler than losing a real one. Furthermore fate had no part to play in this. Tyler was clearly not the one that got away and I know exactly who was. Tyler and I were simply not good together. He made me feel insecure and completely stupid throughout the entire time we knew each other, and has only recently apologized for it, to which I did not accept his apology.

People can say what they want but an apology does not need to be accepted, and forgiveness does not need to be given, especially from someone as shitty as Tyler. Not forgiving someone doesn't eat away at you, it gives you the boundaries you need to prevent the same mistake from happening, because there's a huge difference between forgiving and not hating someone anymore, or hating the person a little less.

After blocking him on Instagram and Snapchat he still finds a way to crawl into my life, because that's what poison does. It consumes you, and if it's lost its hold on you it tries to gain the power back through any means necessary. Acknowledging this does not make you bitter or cruel. Since when was having the best intention for yourself and your mentality, evil?A really good friend of mine still gets panic attacks when she sees texts from her ex, that's how much the past can haunt a person, which is why you should watch out for your own vulnerability. So don't trust a guy for the sweet smile and forget everything he's ever done to you, it's going to hurt a lot more the second time around because you could have stopped it.

Do you have a Tyler in your life? Or one you threw out a long time ago? I'd love to hear all about it, so send me a message. And if your Tyler is still messaging you non-stop, I know how it feels to think you won't be able to get rid of him. But you will.

Until next time,

The dating "expert."