Baggage comes in two suitcases.

Dearest reader,

Up until recently I've been weighing this heavy feeling on my shoulders over a particular boy that I've been seeing. At first the word whispered "emotional" and later, as it became increasingly overbearing it said "guilt." But now that the word travelled down my spine it finally screamed "Insecure."

The guy that I'm seeing has only recently gotten out of a relationship, meaning that 10 months with a guy ended about two months back. And it's clear that he has baggage that he has to work through, which is why I don't mind taking it slow. I've seen the sides of him that aren't all that pretty and yet he feels like the most beautiful person in the world to me. His baggage didn't upset me at first because I knew opening up was tough for him, but then it started bothering me at the back of my head for other reasons. I thought maybe it was guilt because I thought of him that way, since the first month should be filled with happiness and unsolicited perfection, or emotion because I wanted him to trust me and leave his baggage in the past, even though I knew it would take a long time and it was an unrealistic expectation. I obviously didn't want to see him in pain. But really, I was insecure. His baggage was scratching open parts of mine that I didn't want to deal with, that I didn't want to see.

I felt he would leave, at any given moment if I opened myself up too much, because I'm used to that. I was scared he thought I was easy, or judgmental or manipulative, since so many people made me out to be the villain of the story. And I think silently in my mind I focused more on his problems and his worries than I should have focused on my own. Now, don't get me wrong, this guy is great. He's funny and smart and he makes me laugh in such a loud and unsexy milk-coming-out-of-my-nose way and it's refreshingly reassuring. I know I'm not the most patient person, but I want to be. Which means not just listening to his problems, but also dealing with my internalized ones. That scares the hell out of me, but here on How to Get the Guy 101 we never stray away from what terrifies us, unless it's a boy.

All my love,

The relationship expert.